Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
