I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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