I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
