Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
