Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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