Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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