Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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