remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
