do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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