No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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