I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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