i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
