your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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