My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
