Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize