sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
