She said her name was "party"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
