my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
