He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
