Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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