Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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