He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
