I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
