i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
