Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
