we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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