omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
