the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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