She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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