You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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