Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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