so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
