I wish I could teleport
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
