I'm so fucking centered right now
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
