Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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