sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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