worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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