Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
