Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
