Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
