It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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