I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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