im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
