I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
