Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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