I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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