my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
