Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
