So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
