I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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