I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
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I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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