Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
