By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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