i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That accounts for only three of the penises
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
