For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize