coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
