I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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