she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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