so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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