is your mom at the bar?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
