Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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