I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
