Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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