Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
