tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
