she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
