my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
