you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
