I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
