Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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