i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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