I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize