can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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