Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
