I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
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