doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
