when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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